Writing this is vulnerable.
I feel shaky and strong.
I’m shaky because I don’t know how my truth will land for you.
What if the story of my life doesn’t add love to your life?
I feel strong because … I am.
The papers that legally end my marriage have been signed.
The past year has been intense, uncertain, and liberating.
Some days, I felt raw.
When my youngest son {sun} starting worrying about whether we would stop loving him my heart shattered. Ever since, I’ve been exploring how I can create a beautiful mosaic from the pieces.
I’ve learned about how to love deeply, how to deal during difficult times, how to harness the power of anger, and what to do with emotional pain.
I’ve understood self-abandonment, self-sabotage, and self-love.
I’ve learned that choosing love is an act of courage, true intimacy requires deep vulnerability and what to remember when a relationship ends.
When the old world dies, the new world is born.
This just is.
And, it’s not always easy.
Holidays were the hardest. I spent at least one full holiday alone eating grilled cheese sandwiches and binging on Netflix.
There were times I want to climb on my Pegasus and fly away.
But, I didn’t.
I spent this year being laser focused on nurturing my soul, showing up with presence for my clients, and creating treasured experiences for my boys.
I’ve had to be selfish.
For myself.
For my kids.
For my great life.
I used my honoring no and I disappointed people.
I still have moments when I feel like I’ve let the world down.
My kids.
My friends.
My community.
And, the man who helped me bring our precious boys into the world.
The feeling of disappointing others makes me ache.
It has also helped me awaken.
This is my year of Sovereignty and I’m still learning about the land I want to reign.
There are many things I don’t know. And, there are a few things I know for sure.
I want to design a life that feels like home. I want to create soulful experiences for our community. I want to live a life I love and add love to the world. I want to explore this wild and wonderful universe with my boys.
I want to host dinner parties. I want to laugh, share stories, and talk until 3am. I want to sweat and feel strong. I want to build a business that supports everyone I love. I want to be taken care of, even though I don’t need to be. I want to write more letters. I want devotion and sovereignty.
I want to show up as love, because that’s what I am.
Some days I sit next to the fire, sip my green tea, and my eyes get misty.
Maybe I want too much.
Maybe I don’t have what it takes.
Maybe my great life is a fantasy.
The fear is real. But, it doesn’t stay for long.
I know the truth.
The reality of my life is magic and miracles.
There are Angels in my life. Every time I turn a corner a dream has come true – my sister following her heart, island adventures with my family, facilitating events in a castle, travelling to magical places for speaking gigs, a client docket filled with soulful folks, a community of like-minded people, becoming a writer, and plenty of Rocky Mountain Adventures.
I intended to live my life from this mantra …
Live freely. Love deeply. Explore wildly.
And, I do.
Most of the time.
I’m in the middle of my old world dying and my new world being born. I can see slices of the future and it glimmers.
For now, I’m sitting in the dark releasing what was and reflecting on what will be.
There’s so much I don’t know. But I do know this.
Love is the answer.
My soul knows the way.
Afterthought # 1
There’s been a buzz of curiosity about the next Great Life Redesign {the live event I host for 100 soulful folks in a castle in the Rocky Mountains}.
I asked my heart whether we’d run it again this year and it whispered … no, not this year.
But, supporting your great life is a high priority for me. So I created, My Great Life, a digital deep dive into the strategy and soul of designing and living a life you love.
Let’s design a great 2016 and live it. Together.
Afterthought # 2
These are tender times for us all.
Let’s be extra gentle with ourselves, and each other, this holiday season.
I’ll be spending the rest of the year offline.
As always, thanks for being here and I’ll see you in the New Year.