There was a time in my life when I had warehouses filled with unresolved emotional pain.
Because I was determined to keep the storm at bay I appeared strong, secure, confident, light-hearted, and encouraging. It was an illusion fuelled by a fierce fear of rejection and need for approval.
As a sensitive soul, I thought the only way to survive life was to not feel. I built up beautiful walls to keep the feelings in and when the walls began to crumble I turned to alcohol, food, and medication to keep the emotional pain at bay.
These coping mechanisms worked for a time. Until they didn’t.
The only way out was through.
Through the emotional pain.
Through the layers.
Through the dark night.
Though the illusions.
Through the ego …
… right into the soul.
Once I went through the emotional pain, I found what I was seeking – self-trust, self-love, self-respect, and self-worth.
Uncertainty, fear, and doubt still come out to play, but instead of quickly stuffing them down with a bottle of merlot, a new pain or shoes, or a tub of Ben & Jerry’s I welcome them in and listen to what they have to say.
I can trust myself to navigate the discomfort, to be in uncertainty and to trust myself.
It is easier for me to be present, nonattached, and genuinely loving.
I’m no longer afraid I’ll loose myself in unresolved emotional pain, and even if I do feel lost, no matter what I know I can find my way home.
Here’s what I learnt about why it’s important to deal with emotional pain.
- Unresolved emotional pain will follow you – you can run, distract, numb, repress, avoid but what is unresolved will surface eventually.
- Unresolved emotional pain will rattle around in your psyche and pop up at inopportune times – distracting you from the present and lulling you into unconscious reactions.
- Unresolved emotional pain will become a slow energetic leak, draining you of your life force, inspiration, and motivation.
- Unresolved emotional pain grows larger the longer you delay processing it.
- Unresolved emotional pain dulls the experience of peace, joy, contentment, happiness, and bliss.
- Unresolved emotional pain causes us to live in the shallows of illusion, perfection, and superficial living rather than swimming in the depths of authenticity, imperfection, and vulnerability.
- Unresolved emotional pain fuels insecurity, fear, depression, and anxiety.
When we enter into the dark land of emotional pain with courage and consciousness we become free to know and love all of who we are.
We learn the essence of soulful resilience and understand our true strength and capacity.
photo credit: Stefan Makwana captured the moment.