My 34th year has passed and over 1111 {and counting} birthday blessings flew in from around the world – snail mail, voice notes, social posts.
My cells soaked up every little bit of the love you sent.
Big big thanks.
To wrap my 32 year, I wrote 32 lines.
Then I did it again for my 33rd year.
I’m enjoying the tradition, so here are …
… 34 lines to wrap up my 34th year.
Princess cake is still my favourite.
The more I work on my writing, the more I delete what I’ve written.
I can do hard things, and so can you.
It took me a while to realize life can be as great as I allow it to be, but I have to have the courage say yes to what matters most and say no to what doesn’t.
My yeses = writing, nature, hot springs, truth, sisterhood, matcha, ferocity, Lego, cuddles, ease, Soul, possibility, playlists that undo me, adventure, and always love.
There’s still a lot I don’t know about love.
But, this year I’ve seen it heal old wounds, bridge massive chasms, spark the right kinda revolutions, melt icy hearts, and make bright new worlds out of old wars.
There are pieces of me that just don’t fit in.
Thankfully, I now care less about where I fit in and more about how I fit together.
I’ve traded balance for passion and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Wandering through the world reminds me of who I really am.
No matter where I go, I still know, water changes everything.
There are some things I’ve gotten better at this year – like sitting in uncertainty, speaking the truth with love and making dreams come true.
There are some things I’m still terrible at – like being with deep intense emotional pain without turning to a grill cheese sandwich and a Netflix binge.
There are moments I am saturated with fear
and question the state of the universe
but, overall, I’m finding contentment.
I want to give my boys space to be themselves, to do things for themselves, to explore the wild, to get hurt, to heal and to experience the world on their own terms.
While I’m at it, I try to remember to make them giggle until they pee, hug them until they let me go and be cool with the mess.
I’m also doing my best to show them how to cry and how wonder can be found in a blade of grass or at the top of Pyramid.
I aiming for authenticity.
It’s often hard and heart breaking.
But whole love is worth it.
I was planning to stay in the city long enough to earn a few degrees and then find my way home to wide-open spaces, mountain ranges, and oceans of evergreen trees.
Because in the city … light pollution crowds out the stars, driving can be a battle, silence is obsolete and headlines hurt my heart.
For the longest time I thought I was betraying my soul by growing roots in urban soil.
But here I am … watching the unfolding of a life that often surprises me.
With friends who know me.
A business that supports me.
Road trips that satisfy my wild soul.
A home that fits my life perfectly.
And, a community I am honored to contribute to.
I’ve abandoned the life I thought I would live and I’m living the life I have.
It really is a great life.