5 questions to ask someone you love

I was speaking to a client the other night who reflected, “for every couple that deepened into their relationship during the pandemic, eight couples disintegrated.” 

I don’t have the stats to back this up, but I’ve observed something similar in my personal and professional life. 

For many, the pandemic was a time of interpersonal turmoil.

Emergence will likely be the same.

The needs we have, the pace we desire, the hopes we hold, the decisions we make will be idiosyncratic.

How we approach life, at times like this, depends on our personalities, prior trauma history, political ideology, cultural experiences, and family system.

The intricacies are complex.

Navigating this tricky terrain will be challenging.

Chances are good that you will not be exactly aligned with your partner, friends, parents, kids, and co-workers about how to return to work, travel, gather, and connect.

Bumping into differences is inevitable.

When you do, reflect on what motivates your responses.

Is it love?

We are all doing the best we can based on who we are and what we know. This is hard. How can we find a way that honors what each of us need?

Is it fear?

They are reckless and thoughtless and putting us all at risk. They are paranoid and ridiculous and limit our freedom unnecessarily.

With the constant pivoting we’ve all been enduring, decision fatigue has exhausted us all. 

When we are depleted, grace can be hard to find.

If you’re struggling with a “me versus them” mentality, get curious and ask them:

What am I missing? What do you really want me to know?

What would be helpful for me to understand about why this is important to you?

What are you afraid might happen if we do __________________?

How do you imagine feeling if we do _______________________?

When do you feel most supported by me?

The more we can understand and relate lovingly to ourselves and others, the easier this emergence will be for us all.