Some days, I slip into automaticity and emerge eight hours later irritable and discontent.
When days become monotonous replicas my soul feels sad. Thankfully, this doesn’t happen very much anymore. But, when it does, it reminds me of when I wanted to quit everything and start over.
There are some things in life that matter to me. Like living freely, loving deeply, and exploring wildly.
In order to feel the way I want to feel there are routines I have to engage in – walking by the river, brushing my teeth, shopping at the farmer’s market, making green juice, going to the mountains, taking my vitamins, meditating with my malas.
Even though these routines are meaningful, they can easily become mundane. And, if I allow my life to become humdrum I end up bitter and constricted.
Some of my psychology and mentoring clients struggle with the same thing. Their days are jammed with groceries, work, laundry, bills, commitments, and chores.
Often they are working in a job they don’t like, hanging out with people they don’t like, and sometimes they’re having sex with a partner they don’t like.
They are saying yes when they want to say no, feeling constrained by the status quo, and imprisoned by unconscious forces.
They land on my couch, burnt out, stressed out, and asking what is the fucking point?
They feel tossed about by life and unable to see a way out. Depression, adrenal fatigue, addiction, drama, illness, anxiety, and other symptoms usually enter into the equation because, well, the soul expresses it’s suffering in many ways.
When they share their dissatisfaction with the people in their life, they get the bland response … it’s just life.
But, it’s not just life.
It’s the life you’ve designed.
It’s the life your ego wants tricks you into believing is the only option, but it’s not.
You are free to design your life the way you want it to be. I’m not saying it’s easy. Sometimes it’s not. What I am saying is …
… letting your soul design a life you love is possible and it’s worth it.
This article isn’t about how to design your life in ten simple steps. You’re not going to find an answer wrapped up in a tidy conclusion at the end of the last paragraph.
If there’s one thing I want you to know it’s this – you are not alone.
There are days I find myself caught up in the mundane and living life unconsciously. I’ve wasted weekends on a Netflix binge, I get attached to what people think of me, I can be vain and self-absorbed, sometimes I spend way to much time on social media examining filtered lives and wondering what’s really real {I’m guilty of filtering my life too}.
There are times I find myself pursing a goal that has lost its soul. I struggle with wanting to be wild and free and having to navigate the expectations of society. I want to make each day matter, and, sometimes, they don’t.
Although our stories and struggles are different there are many ways we are the same.
We all want to feel alive.
We all want to be proud of the constellation of memories we created.
We all want to get to the end of our life and know we lived a great life.
I don’t know what the answer is to this profoundly human dilemma, what I do know is you’ll find your own answers and it will have something to do with living as fully, freely, and soulfully as you can right now.
Photo credit: Stefan Makwana captured the moment.