Every year, around this time, I begin designing the next year of my life.
Reflecting on what was, connecting with what my soul wants to create next, and mapping out the strategy to make it happen.
When we consciously engage with the life we are living we’re more free to design a life we love.
What mattered most to you in 2015?
What was achey and hard about 2015?
What are you ready to release from 2015?
What deserves to be celebrated about 2015?
Gently scanning through 2015, there are themes to my year of Sovereignty, here’s a collection of my most meaningful moments and insights.
this is what loving my work looks like.
There are pieces of me that just don’t fit in.
I don’t wear suits to corporate gigs – opportunities missed.
At networking events I’d rather watch from the sidelines then, ya know, network – connections lost.
The status quo has always felt too small – stretching out = trouble.
I see the world as it should be rather than how it is – naive mistakes abound.
For a while, tried to change from sharp to round, wild to tame, observant to engaged.
Now, I care less about where I fit in and more about how I fit together.
this is what loving my sons looks like.
My Suns.
I want to give them space to be themselves, to do things for themselves, to explore the wild, to get hurt and heal, to experience the world on their own terms.
I try to remember to make them giggle until they pee, hug them until they let me go and be cool with the mess.
I aim for honesty, which is often hard and heart breaking.
I want to show them how to cry and how wonder can be found in a blade of grass or at the top of Pyramid.
I know the best way to give it is to live it.
So, I’m doing my best to live freely, love deeply, and explore wildly.
this is what loving my home looks like.
I live in the city.
My plan was to stay long enough to earn a few degrees and then find my way home to wide-open spaces, mountain ranges, and oceans of evergreen trees.
Light pollution crowds out the stars. Driving can be a battle. Silence is obsolete. Headlines hurt my heart.
For the longest time I thought I was betraying my soul by growing roots in urban soil.
But here I am … watching the unfolding of a life that often surprises me – with friends who know me, a business that supports me, road trips that comfort my heart, a home that fits my life perfectly and a community I am honored to contribute to.
I’ve abandoned the life I thought I would live and I’m living the life I have.It’s a great life.
this is what loving my mornings looks like.
Morning rituals matter.
Mine?
Up before everyone else, sip warm detox blend {lemon juice, apple cider vinegar, cinnamon}, green tea latte, Singer Songwriter list on Songza, boy time, walk through the bird sanctuary, digital time with my Angel Twinsie, writing, CrossFit, green smoothie. Ready.
I don’t complete my morning ritual everyday. But, when I do my day is golden, no matter how it unfolds.
this is what loving my weekend looks like.
It took me a while to realize life can be as great as I allow it to be. The key? Saying yes to what matters most. Saying no to what doesn’t.
My ‘yes’ this weekend = writing, nature, hot springs, truth, green tea, ferocity, Lego, cuddles, ease, possibility, Songza, and {always} love.
What are you saying yes {or no} to?
this is what loving my summer looks like.
Summer of extremes – adrenaline adventures and relaxing retreats; frenetic productivity and idle surrender; joyous rapture and distressing discontent.
I’ve traded balance for passion and, for now, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
this is what loving my wildness looks like.
Wandering through the world reminds me of who I really am.
this is what loving myself looks like.
Loves, it’s Saturday night and I’m on a date. By myself.
I’m watching three masterful chefs prepare a delicate beet salad topped with all sorts of delicious flair and I’m reflecting on life.
This year has been rich beyond measure. Finding beloved. Dancing. Loving. Writing.
There’s also been plenty of ache.
I just swallowed an oyster after being a devoted vegetarian for five years.
I can hear the thunder rolling outside and change is storming inside.
There are some things I’ve gotten better at in the last year.
Like uncertainty.
And speaking the truth with love.
And making dreams come true.
There are some things I’m still terrible at, like sitting with deep intense emotional pain without turning to a grill cheese sandwich and a Netflix binge.
In the last six weeks my reverence for the divine has deepened and my appreciation for the present has grown.
There are still moments I am saturated with fear and question the state of the universe but, overall, I’m finding contentment. Here. Now.
What all this really means is … maybe I should take myself out for dates more often.
Stefan Makwana captured the joy.