This is an except from my new book Your Great Life! coming out on April 6th {my birthday!}.
But little by little, as you left their voices behind, the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds, and there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own, that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world determined to do the only thing you could do – determined to save the only life you could save. ~ Mary Oliver
When you are on the road to saving the only life you can save, there will be many moments of letting go. Letting go doesn’t always mean an ending to what was. I’ve seen people design their lives and end up divorced, and I’ve seen people design their lives and transform their marriages in the process. I’ve seen people leave their soul-sucking job and I’ve seen people negotiate their work into something more meaningful and fulfilling. Even if your life design does not call you to end something, you will still need to let go of some things.
You may need to let go of old ways of thinking, distractions, clutter, needing to be right, unhealthy patterns, avoiding the unknown, restricting roles, grudges, a limiting label, resentment, fearful beliefs, stifling possessions, or a part of your identity.
My son was three when he started his pre-school Montessori program. The first days of school were difficult for him. He cried so hard, he could barely breathe, and his little chest heaved intensely while teardrops streamed down his face. He didn’t want to let go. He liked the life he had – unlimited hours at the park, cuddles available anytime he wanted, a parent with him everywhere he went. The life he knew was safe, familiar, and predictable.
It’s difficult to see our children in painful transitions, but deep down, we know we must let them go through these shifts so they can live their lives. As parents, we need to let go of our children and encourage them to do hard things. We need to do the same for ourselves.
Letting go is a skill you will continue to develop as you design your life. When we don’t let go of our children, we cause them harm. When we don’t let go of that which no longer serves us, we harm ourselves.
Letting go starts with recognizing the belief behind what you are clutching so tightly. Usually, that belief is connected to happiness. My little boy believed he needed to be with his parents all the time in order to be happy. What belief do you have about your happiness that is preventing you from letting go?
Once you recognize the belief, it’s time to fully embrace the truth – you don’t need any one person or any one thing in order to be happy. It doesn’t matter how attached you are, your happiness is not inextricably linked to something outside yourself. Paradoxically, once you let go, it’s much easier to enjoy the people and things you want to hold onto. After a few days of struggling to let go, my little one embraced the truth – that time with his parents can make him happy and time with his friends can make him happy, too.
Designing a life you love does not mean tightly gripping something or someone, no matter how much you may desire it and no matter how much you may love them. When you are willing to let go, you become free to design your life the way you want it to be.
Stefan Makwana captured the happiness.