Last month included joy bubbles bursting in my heart, love leaking from my eyes and hugs that make you go mmmmmmmmm.
I had a blast hanging out at the Great Life Celebration with hundreds soulful folks from our community. We launched books, wrote love letters, and raised money two good causes {water and fire}.
For years I have experienced a crash when a big project ends. I used to push through it, ignore it and wish it away. The crashes came harder and deeper, until eventually I developed days of vertigo. Dizziness forced me to do what I was refusing to do – slow down and lay down. Now, I’ve learned to surf the crash, let it carry me to the places I need to go, and listen to what it wants me to know.
When something ends, it’s not always easy.
Endings and beginnings play out on my therapy couch every week …
… my Dad is dying, I was laid off, my husband left me, I think it’s time for me to go, I’m graduating and ready for something new, I think I’ll pack up and go across the country, my kids have all moved out and so has my sense of meaning, I want to get married, I don’t want to get married, I’m having another baby, I don’t love my work and I don’t know what to do next, I just retired and I feel like I have no purpose.
More than any other time in the history of my practice my clients have needed support navigating the uncertain terrain of change.
Here are eight ways to cope during times of change.
feel all the feels
Transitions are like hopping into a wild roller coaster of emotion – sadly saying goodbye, excitedly saying hello, grieving what was left behind, dreaming about what will be, anxiety about the unknown, and the discomfort that comes with having to form a new identity.
Just because you have lots of feelings, doesn’t mean you made the wrong choice or that you won’t be able to handle what’s next.
Change can be good even when it’s challenging.
ask them to listen
Transitions can be lonely.
Call someone you trust and ask them to listen – I’m feeling a whole lot about the changes I’m going through. I’d love to share with you. I don’t need to solve any problems or figure anything out. I just need to talk through a few things with someone who will listen.
protect the pause
There is a period of time between leaving the old world and creating the new world, I call it the Pause. It’s the gap between who you were and who you are becoming; the distance that separates you from what used to matter and what matters now; the space between the work you did and the work you will do; the chasm between the lover who left and the love that is coming your way.
The Pause feels uncertain and unpredictable.
It’s often laced with feelings of being out of control and lost. It’s alarmingly uncomfortable and it is a healthy part of change. Be in the Pause.
acknowledge the bad
Living a great life is about living in the wholeness of life. Acknowledge the bad, learn what needs to be learned, take what you want to take, and leave the rest behind.
appreciate the good
Even if the life you are leaving behind felt terrible, find the glimmer of good. During times of change our brains are wired to focus on fearful situations and scary circumstances.
In order to avoid the runaway train of anxiety, hone in on the good and express gratitude for it.
focus on being instead of doing
What feeds your soul? Walks by the river, tossing paint on a canvas, daydreaming during dishwashing, rolling in the grass with your puppy, gliding through water, breathing into your belly.
Opt-out of doing and focus on being.
trust life
Down to the atom, life is a delicate dance of opposing forces creating balance in the universe. Whatever you’re going through that feels dark – death, divorce, trauma, job loss, heartbreak, illness – there is light in equal measure to be found.
Swimming in the difficulty can be overwhelming and all consuming, but even if it’s hard to see the light, you can trust that new truths are taking form and will shine through.
Look for evidence that life’s got your back – random acts of kindness, synchronistic messages on license plates, timing that feels absolutely divine, a dream with a profound message, being bumped off one path to find yourself on an even better path, receiving the right words at the right time from a random source.
You will find what you’re looking for. Your brain {and life} just works that way.
listen to love over fear
Fear will say there’s nothing else for you, you’ll fail, you’ll be alone, you’ll be rejected, who do you think you are? Fear will cause you to be so busy anxiously looking for the right choice you’ll miss the true choice.
Tune into the voice of love, this is hard and you can do hard things, you don’t have to be perfect, you are good enough exactly as you are, I love you, I believe in you, you can trust yourself.
…
The completion of my book has pushed me into a surprising transition. There’s a dream that’s been pulling at me and I just can’t shake it. My soul is asking me to see a horizon I’ve never seen before. A horizon most people would say is impossible or, at least, a very bad idea.
For now, I’m sitting in the Pause, because I must. The space and stillness has guided me to sip rose kombucha, meditate on what matters now, and notice the sensation of the stars pulling me into something new.
If you’re going through a change right now, feel what you’re feeling, ask them to listen, protect the pause, acknowledge the bad, appreciate the good, focus on being instead of doing, trust life and listen to love over fear.
Something beautiful is waiting just around the corner.
Photo : Stefan Makwana captures me