life is a whole lot better when you are
Are you aware of your core?
Core values.
Core wounds.
Core question.
When we are clear in our core, everything else is easier.
Next month, in the Love More Fear Less program, we are exploring our core values and our core question in order to anchor into authenticity.
Today, I wanted to riff on core wounds.
Most humans carry a core wound or two.
Core wounds are complex.
They are usually sourced from early life experience or unresolved traumas and are often presented as a fear –
– Fear of not being good enough
– Fear of being controlled
– Fear of being too much
– Fear of abandonment
– Fear of vulnerability
– Fear of commitment
– Fear of intimacy
– Fear of rejection
– Fear of success
– Fear of failure
When a core wound is touched, a big reaction follows.
A switch flips.
We go from being calm and present, into distressed and agitated in a flash.
When a core wound is activated, often we don’t know why we are feeling the way we are feeling. Sometimes, the intensity surprises us and we feel like it doesn’t make sense. Other times, we may feel crushed and disheartened to find ourselves in the familiar pain of the past.
When your reaction doesn’t match the situation, you can be sure a core wound has been activated. If you find yourself in an unhelpful and unhealthy pattern, chances are your subconscious is activating an outdated survival strategy (self-sabotage, rumination, numbing, distracting, avoiding, repressing, lashing out, shutting down, etc.) to protect you from your core wound.
When we are on the receiving end of someone who is trapped in their core wounding, it can feel like the emotional intensity comes out of nowhere. They may be inconsolable and no matter what you do, they can’t see you or hear you. Often it feels like you’re a character in a story that has nothing to do with you, like you’re playing a part in a script that was written long ago.
If we don’t bring awareness and integration to our core wounds, they control our inner world and wreak havoc on our outer world.
Many of the ways we try to manage core wounds are the source of suffering –
– We move through life feeling drained and distracted.
– We turn to substances to manage our emotions.
– We project untrue narratives onto our partner.
– We don’t see ourselves or others clearly.
– We keep ourselves constantly busy.
– We get lost in the abyss of nihilism.
– We keep friends at a distance.
– We lash out at our children.
It’s not the core wound that’s the problem, it’s the avoidance of it.
To get different results, we must have a different response.
Healing core wounds is an intuitive process, it’s about connecting to the body and finding the truth of the pain, it’s about listening to the inner voice of Love and having the courage to confront Fear.
If you suspect a core wound is causing trouble in your life, there are treasures to be found in those shadows.
The gift you can expect to find is the energy, clarity, and freedom to live a life you love.