Why do we sabotage ourselves?
What makes us choose self-defeating behaviors that directly contradict our values and greatest desires?
There are a few reasons, but I’ve noticed that a lot of us tend to resist accepting one specific explanation for self-sabotage: a lack of worthiness.
Does this sound like a strange connection?
Here’s how self-sabotage and self-worth feed on each other:
Our beliefs lead to our thoughts, so a belief in unworthiness will lead to thoughts like:
“I’m not smart enough to get that job.”
“I’m not beautiful enough to be loved.”
“I’m such a weirdo – no wonder people don’t like me.”
“I’ll never be able to pull that off.”
And based on our repeated thoughts, we choose actions that reinforce the belief that those thoughts rest on. The process looks like this:
Belief: I’m not good enough.
Thought: I don’t have what it takes to achieve that goal.
Action: I’m going to create a scenario where I’m guaranteed to fail (aka: self-sabotage), because that confirms my belief that I’m not good enough.
Here’s where the resistance comes in:
There’s a major misconception out there (especially for high-achievers) that acknowledging a lack of self-worth is weakness.
Culturally, we’re certainly getting better with this, but I think a lot of us are still ashamed to acknowledge even the tiniest bit of not good enough-ness thinking because we think it means that we’re flawed, broken, hopeless.
But we cannot heal and grow through something if we refuse to acknowledge it.
Acknowledging that you’re questioning your self-worth doesn’t make you an oddity – it makes you human. We ALL experience it (and on multiple occasions) throughout life.
We empower ourselves by bravely saying “Yes, I’m struggling with this” and then opening our minds and hearts to finding a way forward.
Telling the truth is not weakness.
It’s strength in action.
It’s beauty itself.